Coaches In The City https://coachesinthecity.com/en A community with a heart Mon, 18 Jun 2018 09:55:41 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.9 Fears? What to do with them? https://coachesinthecity.com/en/fears-what-to-do-with-them/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/fears-what-to-do-with-them/#respond Wed, 14 Feb 2018 09:27:38 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/fears-what-to-do-with-them/ Fears? What to do with them? Thoughts that make us anxious. We all have those, right? They make us feel small, stressed out, in panic… and besides all that, they make us tired too. Some people get these thoughts from an unexpected visitor dropping by, others by situations at work, such as planning that is…

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Fears? What to do with them?

Thoughts that make us anxious. We all have those, right? They make us feel small, stressed out, in panic… and besides all that, they make us tired too. Some people get these thoughts from an unexpected visitor dropping by, others by situations at work, such as planning that is going bunk, a deadline that’s going to be missed.

And all around you people are saying: “Step out of your comfort zone! You should try it!” But isn’t that much more difficult than it sounds?

Maybe you recognize this story?

You’ve said it a gazillion times: starting tomorrow, I will pick up running! But that specific tomorrow, it never seems to come. That’s the tough thing about stepping out of your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is an easy, comfortable place, for your brain, and thus for you.

Your brain is the part of your body that you keeps you alive. How it does that, doesn’t really make a difference to your brain. As long as each organ is working as it should: a job done well! Are you feeling happy or unhappy while staying alive? Your brain doesn’t care. Are you doing this in a constant state of anxiety and stress, then it starts to become a sort of addiction. Your brain is getting used to the constant flow of adrenaline.

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one!

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one!

So what does make a difference? Whenever you do something that you’re not used to doing, your brain will respond to this. Because that is not the normal way they work. And your brain is programmed to work in the easiest and comfortable way, the path of the least resistance. So you will get stress, and start postponing and so on.

It’s like yelling at a herd of loose horses to watch out for the cliff at the end of the path. And they don’t just keep running, they even run right over you.

Does that sometimes feel weird and frightening? Absolutely!

Is it worth doing anyway? Absolutely! From that moment on, fear does no longer control you, but you control your fear. How would that feel?

The fun thing is, we will show you to step out of your comfort zone without it feeling intensely heavy. Because once your brain is used to stepping out of your comfort zone, you will notice that your life becomes so much easier. You will feel free and full of energy.

So, what do you think? Go for it? These boots are made for walking 🙂

Join our challenges, and step out of your comfort zone. We are looking forward to it!

Warm regards

Nathalie

www.nathalieschatteman.com

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Are you too nice? And having trouble saying no? https://coachesinthecity.com/en/are-too-nice-and-have-trouble-saying-no/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/are-too-nice-and-have-trouble-saying-no/#respond Sat, 16 Dec 2017 16:53:54 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/are-too-nice-and-have-trouble-saying-no/ Well, it’s not that easy saying no these days. We always assume our surroundings won’t agree. When you say Yes, you don’t have to explain why you join them, why you’re doing whatever you agreed upon. What is it that makes your “being nice” into such a big stumbling block? And it exhausts you so…

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Well, it’s not that easy saying no these days. We always assume our surroundings won’t agree. When you say Yes, you don’t have to explain why you join them, why you’re doing whatever you agreed upon.

What is it that makes your “being nice” into such a big stumbling block? And it exhausts you so incredibly hard.

And, that “No” rarely escapes your mouth?

I’ll give you 10 tips to help you, to explain things to you, and to start working.

Take the situation as a growing moment, and use to grow stronger: Tough moments give you the most potential for growth, however strange this may sound. These are the moments of reflection. At these moments, your emotions can go into all directions, and these are the moments from which you can learn the most. Standing up for yourself, and noticing that other people too are fighting their fights, will create more peace of mind for you.
Someone else’s response is never personal: The way people respond to you, is rarely personal. It is merely a reflection of how they see themselves, and how they feel about theirselves and their lives. Once you see and accept this, you will be able to bear so much more from the people surrounding your. Because you know that it’s their own story their responding to.

Live intuitively: If being nice is your thing, you always want to be thought of as nice. So, you will find it easier to do what other people expect from you, than to do what you actually really need. It is certainly worth while to isolate yourself once in a while to listen to yourself. To what you really need. Learn to listen to that inner voice, and to trust it. Because deep inside we know what we really want, really need, and how we really feel. Learning to trust those feelings from the inside are the hardest part.

Recharge your batteries: If being nice is a part of you, you are mostly busy with giving to other people. Logically, you also need time for yourself. This can be easily explained with the analogy with money. You can lend people money, if you don’t have any yourself. The same goes for time and love. You can’t give it to other people, if you don’t have it for yourself. Taking good care for yourself, and doing things that give you energy are a real necessity. Otherwise, you will only get an empty and exhausted feeling. And that is not what we want!

Tell people how you feel: Putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and saying what you feel and think can feel very weird at first. The weird thing is, your surroundings will change for the better. When you make it clear to people what you want, and that you do this with love, and nothing but good intentions, people will be able to understand this better, and it will be easier for them to take your feelings into account.

A no means a yes to you: When you feel like saying no, but say yes anyway, you get stuck in a situation that doesn’t feel well to you. And however much you try, the people around you will notice that. When you say no to something that you really don’t want to, you please yourself, and in a way the people around you. And as a big bonus, it gives you time and énergie to say yes to other situations.

Be nice and guard your borders: If we say “yes” with our mouth, and our brain actually thought “no”… It means we are always drifting further and further away from our true self. The art in this is to see which borders are important to you, and to guard them. Once you get the hang of this, you will notice the energy flowing through your body again. And, that is an exercise that you need to repeat. It’s a matter of finding balance, and every day is a learning opportunity.

Ask others what you always give: When you’re a nice person, everybody wants to drop by. You’re probably always the first one to carry the problems of all people asking for help. But does it work the same way in the other direction? Do you even ask for help when you need it? Everybody needs a hand from time to time. A listening ear, some warm love, and someone who can just be there for you. Asking for help makes you vulnerable, because you don’t always have to take care of everybody. And it will make you notice that other people want to take care of you too. Opening up will make you stronger, and you will see that you don’t need to carry the world on your shoulders. Professionals are also ready to help you with that. And what is keeping you from investing in the most important asset you own? You! So check out these trainings, books and must reads!

Are the people around you nice?: This is an interesting matter. You can check this yourself by looking around in your direct surrounding. The 5 people who are closest to you, do they always treat you nice? Go for people who are like yourself, or people who are the same way you would want to be. People who are prepared to listen, and don’t take advantage of other people, and of you. Your surrounding will change, but you will be able to recharge instead of feeling empty and exhausted when you’ve met your friends.

Be you!!!!!
You are nice! Most probably, you are also honest and righteous and those are characteristics to be proud of. Isn’t that the type of people you want to have around you? Of course it is! So always stay true to yourself, and don’t let anyone belittle or abuse you. The world needs people like you, standing strong!
Warm regards,
Nathalie

Beauty in Talents

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21 different things to do to love yourself more https://coachesinthecity.com/en/21-different-things-to-do-to-love-yourself-more/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/21-different-things-to-do-to-love-yourself-more/#respond Fri, 15 Dec 2017 11:31:21 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/?p=5764 To love yourself is the absolute basis for anything else in your life. I know, it sounds counterintuitive, and even selfish, I struggled with this for years and years myself. However, it’s simple, without self-love, we can’t love others, or accept that others love us. Self-love is a seeing what is good in yourself. And…

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To love yourself is the absolute basis for anything else in your life. I know, it sounds counterintuitive, and even selfish, I struggled with this for years and years myself. However, it’s simple, without self-love, we can’t love others, or accept that others love us. Self-love is a seeing what is good in yourself. And that is the fundamental to recognizing what is good in others.
Self-love is a basic need for mental health, and for self-esteem. So following this list may cause your self-esteem to increase, and your mental health to improve.

Being alone in nature is a good way to practice Self-love

Being alone in nature is a good way to practice Self-love

  1. Always use nice and positive words when you talk about yourself
  2. Take a real “me” day from time to time, even with a (social)media-stop
  3. Take responsibility for how you feel. You have to power to change it, you control how you feel.
  4. Learn to say “No”, or “thank you very much, but I will skip this time” when you don’t feel like doing it.
  5. Always remember your priorities, your goals, what’s most important to you
  6. Always remember the ones you love, who are important to you, and the ones that love you, and to whom you are important
  7. Make each meal a special occasion, and learn the art of conversation during those meal
  8. Treat yourself to an empty kitchen sink and a clean bed every day
  9. Regularly take a long walk, preferably in nature, with only yourself
  10. Write down a list of at least ten things that you want to experience in your lifetime. And try to make it happen
  11. Reach out. Help someone who you know needs it
  12. Organize your closets and tidy up your room. A structured house gives you a structured mind
  13. Check the clothes you buy for two criteria: They have to make you feel absolutely fab, and they should fit comfortably
  14. Avoid drama at all cost, but deal with the issues you need to deal with!
  15. Always remember that it doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be. And the same goes for you!
  16. Go to bed each night around the same time
  17. Look in the mirror and think “Wow, I’m really hot!”
  18. Use your energy efficiently, and don’t let people drain it
  19. Use your time wisely, and don’t let people waste it
  20. Speak only half the time you think you should
  21. Play. As much as you can. Everywhere, every time you can

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Winterblues, what can I do about it? 10 tips to deal with it. https://coachesinthecity.com/en/winterblues-what-can-i-do-about-it-10-tips-to-deal-with-it/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/winterblues-what-can-i-do-about-it-10-tips-to-deal-with-it/#respond Thu, 14 Dec 2017 20:38:05 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/winterblues-what-can-i-do-about-it-10-tips-to-deal-with-it/ Winterblues, just saying the word makes you feel blue, right?  Most of the time you feel tired, a bit sad, and if all goes well, even irritable on top. I’ve heard myself say the words for years: Oh I hate winter! Just let it be, I’m suffering from the winterblues. The days are so short,…

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Winterblues, just saying the word makes you feel blue, right? 

Most of the time you feel tired, a bit sad, and if all goes well, even irritable on top.

I’ve heard myself say the words for years: Oh I hate winter! Just let it be, I’m suffering from the winterblues. The days are so short, and the weather seems to dump those grey and sad feelings into my head. And on top of that, I’m constantly feeling tired, and someone looking in my direction was enough to pass me a cold.

Honestly, I didn’t like it even a bit. During the winter period, the only thing crossing my mind was how to escape from this country. Caribbean islands, anyone? My body was here, but my mind was laying in a hammock on a beach over there. But then I looked out the window again…Misery. Cold and wet weather. Misery on the road. Waking up in the dark, and coming home in the dark. I could easily list a long bulletlist of negative things about this season.

A few winters ago, I really had to go into the garden, to free my cat which had tried to get inside the garage through a hole too small for the big cat. When I managed to release him from this miserable position, I looked around in the garden. The trees, the hedges, leafs on the ground. Taking the time to observe.

I was standing there, with a smile on my face. The tree, under which I always sit to read during summer, was standing there, what a beauty!!! Icecones hanging from the branches, a glittering trunk, and a small strip of light that hit it… pure magic! My tree was standing there, resting, inside itself, and the weather elements around it were making him into a piece of art.

My tree needs this season, in order to give me the wonderful deck of leafs in summer, underneath I love to sit and read. Just resting, just recharge. Oh how logical does nature work 🙂

Winterblues

I went back inside, and took everything I thought I needed for myself. A fluffy comfy sweater, plaids, candles everywhere. The books that I normally read underneath the tree? I placed them on the chimney. The books that I hardly get any time to read during the rest of the year. A basket near the door, with warm woolen winter socks for everyone who entered our house.

Winterblues? No thank you. A season to enjoy. To fix those tasty healthy warm winter meals, together, as a family, or with friends. Play board games with the kids. Take a book and take some time for myself. Enjoy a nice hot tea, fluffy socks and warm plaids. Winter, in our family, became a time to rest, recharge and enjoy!

So how can you do that?

  • Get your nose out of the door once in a while, and take a walk, feel everything being blown off of you.
  • Enjoy to take care of yourself.
  • Make sure the house is cosy: lights and scents. Love it!
  • Take the time to relax en enjoy this time instead of nagging about the weather
  • Finally take the time to read or watch tv
  • Play a board game, or something else you enjoy doing together
  • Sleep as much as your body needs
  • Create light inside your house, with lightbulbs, candles or an open fire (if you have one)
  • Choose cosines and cocooning
  • Remember, spring is already preparing itself!

Let’s make a deal, let’s look at the winter differently. Enjoy it, and know that you too need this time to be able to bloom in the summertime. we afspreken dat we de winter

Warm regards,
Nathalie

www.beauty-in-talents.com
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How can you say no? https://coachesinthecity.com/en/how-can-you-say-no/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/how-can-you-say-no/#respond Tue, 12 Dec 2017 12:27:44 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/how-can-you-say-no/ Saying No It sounds so easy, don’t you think? For me, when push comes to shove, there’s a clear “NO” sounding in my head. And still, my mouth says: “Of course I’ll do that for you”. And then I feel like could hit myself. Because I don’t even see the slightest chance of adding that…

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Saying No

It sounds so easy, don’t you think? For me, when push comes to shove, there’s a clear “NO” sounding in my head. And still, my mouth says: “Of course I’ll do that for you”. And then I feel like could hit myself. Because I don’t even see the slightest chance of adding that to my already bulking work-agenda.

Not to mention, having a family with the whole zoo that accompanies them of course. Little children who think the mud from outside is the most wonderful thing to bring inside the house, and two dogs, always ready to help them with that. And teenagers who like to party, but do still need a taxi service to get them there, and back home again.

And I always stupidly say: Yes!! Of course! And even with a lot of enthusiasm.

What is it that makes that I always want to please other people. Well knowing that there are only 24 hours in a day. Really, do you have extra hours in your day? I have tried it for many years, but the days just won’t expand only because you try to fill your agenda more and more. Am I really that afraid that other people won’t like me anymore?

But not today… Today, I did great!!! Incredibly great!

I can do it!

Say NO!!

Nee zeggen

Saying NO, to an adult even. Because saying no to my children is easy, because it is part of the parenting package. But saying no to an adult… that was a lot harder…

Today I got the request to create podcasts for someone else, even about a subject I’m totally in to. And yet, I did it: I just said NO.

And I said it in such a way that it even made me feel good. Dear, I’m absolutely thrilled that I was the first one to come to mind when you were thinking about this, but I am going to say no this now.

Wonderful: I just said NO. And all that even without feeling guilty. That’s a double score. Because that’s what makes it hard. They’re all nice people who ask you those things. And you want to please them. And then, when you say now, the guilty feeling kicks in…

So I started thinking: if I do this now, if I accept this, and fully go for it, then I know I will hit my walls. I will be stressed and irritated, and that won’t be any help to that person at all. So there’s no need for me to feel guilty about it.

And what was the reply I got? No problem love, I’m glad you take some time for yourself! If you still feel like doing it in the future when you have more time, just let me know! WOW!!! I even got respect because I was able to do it: say NO 🙂

And yes, I was nervous. And I had no idea what the response would be. And I didn’t feel like having to defend myself. Just: say no!

And I needed that NO. Because I needed the time to myself. My agenda was saying no too. Because I don’t want to spend the whole day, just being busy, because everybody appears to be busy. I don’t feel like doing that anymore. I want my rest and peace and quiet too.

Rest should be more widely accepted in our society. Because honestly, when you’re stressed, don’t you take it off of the people around you? Indeed, me too. And it totally drains my energy.

So I can say no now, and I will do that again. Just because I can, and just because I’m allowed to. And honestly? Because I’m well worth it!!!  😉

So what about you? Can you say no easily?

Warm regards
Nathalie

http://beauty-in-talents.com

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Me? Am I an introvert? https://coachesinthecity.com/en/me-am-i-an-introvert/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/me-am-i-an-introvert/#respond Mon, 11 Dec 2017 14:24:55 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/me-am-i-an-introvert/ Me, am I an introvert? Being an Introvert and watching myself did appear rather strange at first. When I started reading the explanation, it made more sense, and it became more and more clear that I indeed was part of the family of introverts.  I am an introvert, but I’m totally bot shy. What other…

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Me, am I an introvert?

Being an Introvert and watching myself did appear rather strange at first. When I started reading the explanation, it made more sense, and it became more and more clear that I indeed was part of the family of introverts.  I am an introvert, but I’m totally bot shy. What other people think of about who I am and what I do hardly bothers me at all.

I like being around people, and I’m not to shy to make sure I’m heard. I like to observe how everyone and everything interacts around me. For me, it’s important to find a balance between the outside world, and retrieving my energy in a quite environment.

I replenish my energy from quite and tranquille places. Those really recharge me. The less impulses, the better. For me, these are the moments to let go, and find myself again. And those moments are very important to me.

I don’t like speaking for large groups, unless it is about a subject I’m passionate about. Then I can do it without any problem. Just like they say introverts don’t like taking risks. For me that’s not true, I do take risks, but I do look at the consequences in advance 🙂

personal-coaching

Being an introvert I feel best when I: 

  • Can think before I need to act
  • Can write the things before I need to say them (I also prefer writing over calling)
  • I don’t need to do small talk, because that exchausts me
  • I can pull energy from images, and responses coming from myself
  • Can do things on my own or together with someone else I can trust completely
  • Get the time to reflect on what I want to do
  • Am alone, and can enjoy doing things on my own
  • can have a clear image on what I need to do before I need to take action
  • Can think and ponder, even with the risk of starting to worry about things

How do I use being an introvert as a strength? 

  • I don’t easily lose my focus, and can stay focused quite easily on the subject I’m working on.
  • I like to observe my surroundings, which means I have extra information of what is going on.
  • I can easily place myself in someone else’s shoes
  • I like to investigate things. Why things go the way they do.
  • I’m a good listener
  • My decision are well considered. I can easily place connections between the different pieces of information I’ve gathered. And I can completely trust myself in my decision taking.
  • I always have a Plan B

Do you want to learn how to use  being introverted as a strength? Then make sure you follow us and regularly check out our online trainings!

www.beauty-in-talents.com
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I’m a Sensation Seeker /HSS! How do I find balance in my life? https://coachesinthecity.com/en/im-a-sensation-seeker-hss-how-do-i-find-balance-in-my-life/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/im-a-sensation-seeker-hss-how-do-i-find-balance-in-my-life/#respond Fri, 01 Dec 2017 20:55:13 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/im-a-sensation-seeker-hss-how-do-i-find-balance-in-my-life/ I’m a Sensation Seeker /HSS! How do i find balance in my life? It took years of test because I didn’t feel right and got the impression that there was something wrong with me. Only after my training as a HSP coach, I came to the conclusion that I not only was high sensitive. I…

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I’m a Sensation Seeker /HSS! How do i find balance in my life?

It took years of test because I didn’t feel right and got the impression that there was something wrong with me. Only after my training as a HSP coach, I came to the conclusion that I not only was high sensitive. I was a Sensation Seeker as well. Finally some things made sense.

Typically me, the search for all information about Sensation Seekers started. You can find books anywhere about Highly Sensitive Persons, but so little about Sensation Seekers. I was so disappointed! I wanted to know everything about this subject.

One of the few books I found, started with a marvelous expression: living with one foot on the gas and one foot on the break. That was really how it felt for me all the time.

I compare my character and my body as a house where a married couple live in. The one being a High Sensitive person, the other being a Sensation Seeker. And in that house, conflict is never far away.

Are there ways to recognize a Sensation Seeker?

-Always searching for new goals and new things
-Easily getting bored about what you are doing
-Being very persistent
-Fearless but knowing every risk and consequences if you fail
-Being more extravagant then Highly Sensitive people
-Being more out there in the world
-Always curious and searching for new ways to enjoy yourself
-Not afraid to speak up your mind
-Multilevel interested
-Strong willed

For me there are some things that are typically me. I can work for weeks, forgetting to eat and sleep. Living in focus of what I’m doing. Until I crash.

That is the quarrel between my married couple. My Highly Sensitive side needs rest from all those new experiences and my Sensation Seeker doesn’t listen. Face down. I should be time to rest, but my Sensation Seeker wants to get out there and get shit done.

How to find balance?

Like every good marriage: communication and trust on both sides. My Sensation Seeker needs to understand that my High Sensitive needs rest and a walk outside. They can compromise to make a walk somewhere they never went before.

My High Sensitive part needs to trust my Sensation Seeker because when it’s taking risks, all consequences are carefully been calculated.

So my Sensation Seeker can learn my High Sensitive it’s ok to grow and get confident. And the other way around that rest can mean an opportunity for discovering new ideas.

I’m a Strong Willed person which means that i don’t do something because someone says I need to do it. I dare to speak out my opinions and I’m nog afraid to explain them. I don’t like confrontations, I just want rest to do what I want to do. People often don’t understand what I’m doing whith my life (me neither, but I don’t care). I go where my feet take me.

Other Sensation Seekers who don’t have that Strong Willed attitude easily have problems with internal battles. They feel how they want things done, but they can understand other people’s point of view. And then they feel guilty and they get a very critical view about themselves.

In this fast society, a Sensation Seeker blooms. A person who is willing to take risks, always looking for new ways and is competitive is very appreciated. The risk is that you become a real perfectionist. Which is very tiring for a person who is also high sensitive. Getting sick or getting a Burn-Out is not so rare for Sensation Seekers.

 

Trust in yourself to find your balance in life and in yourself. It will make you grow, calm you down so you can enjoy life every moment. Not only for periods.

If you combine both characteristics, you will see you’ve got the best inner compass one can wish for. This is the best of two worlds!

Blessings

Nathalie

 

 

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Why I can’t keep my head from spinning https://coachesinthecity.com/en/why-i-cant-keep-my-head-from-spinning/ https://coachesinthecity.com/en/why-i-cant-keep-my-head-from-spinning/#respond Fri, 01 Dec 2017 16:03:09 +0000 http://coachesinthecity.com/why-i-cant-keep-my-head-from-spinning/ I want to achieve my goals. And every time I think about it, there are my thoughts and my fears again. And I stumble. It’s like a carpet that curls and you know it. And every time you stumble over it. Again and again. And there I go: face forward. I’m down again It’s frustrating,…

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I want to achieve my goals. And every time I think about it, there are my thoughts and my fears again. And I stumble. It’s like a carpet that curls and you know it. And every time you stumble over it. Again and again. And there I go: face forward. I’m down again

It’s frustrating, what’s makes me stumble every time over and over again? Why don’t I walk round the curl of the carpet?

Fear makes me stumble again and again. It feels like I’m afraid of the fear itself.

What if it works? What if it doesn’t work? What are others going to say about it? Imagine that I will get successful? What will I do then? What if I don’t need it anymore to feel anxious and bad? What am I going to do all day long?

Yes, while I’m writing this I can laugh about it. But during those moments, it look like a giant mountain that keeps me away from my dreams. It feels paralyzing and it really is holding me back.

It feels like I’m on a diving board and someone lifted it 10 feet higher and the jump suddenly is much deeper.

And there I stand, on my diving board ready to jump, and I hesitate. And then: NO, I’m not going to jump!!!!

And it starts all over again, my head starts spinning. Maybe I need more training? Can I combine that with my family? Do I have time? Am I capable of taking the jump? Are there any excuses I didn’t already use?

I know that’s all it is. All excuses for me not to jump. Learned by society, expectations from my environment. All things that keep me from doing what I really want. Over and over again. This doesn’t mean I’m not doing a great job. I am!

I recognize the signals and I’m working on it. I’m moving forward. Sometimes I just take a step back to my comfort zone.

Letting go and just trusting myself is what is holding me back. Ik know when I’m ready to jump, I will leave my old way of living. Going from surviving to living. And there are going to be goodbyes. Goodbyes from things, places and even people. Everything will be different and maybe not as literally as I’m writing it now. But it feels like that at this moment. It feels very lonely.

One foot is standing in my new life, but for safety one is still standing in my comfort zone. It’s like I’m trying to walk while I’m looking back over my shoulder. Someone told me once it was difficult to make a step forward that way. I can’t keep focusing on what is behind me when I’m ready to step forward. I need to focus on the now.

It’s a piece of my puzzle. I need to look at what is out there, what I want and where I want to go.

I will get there!

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