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Well, it’s not that easy saying no these days. We always assume our surroundings won’t agree. When you say Yes, you don’t have to explain why you join them, why you’re doing whatever you agreed upon.
What is it that makes your “being nice” into such a big stumbling block? And it exhausts you so incredibly hard.
And, that “No” rarely escapes your mouth?
I’ll give you 10 tips to help you, to explain things to you, and to start working.
Take the situation as a growing moment, and use to grow stronger: Tough moments give you the most potential for growth, however strange this may sound. These are the moments of reflection. At these moments, your emotions can go into all directions, and these are the moments from which you can learn the most. Standing up for yourself, and noticing that other people too are fighting their fights, will create more peace of mind for you.
Someone else’s response is never personal: The way people respond to you, is rarely personal. It is merely a reflection of how they see themselves, and how they feel about theirselves and their lives. Once you see and accept this, you will be able to bear so much more from the people surrounding your. Because you know that it’s their own story their responding to.
Live intuitively: If being nice is your thing, you always want to be thought of as nice. So, you will find it easier to do what other people expect from you, than to do what you actually really need. It is certainly worth while to isolate yourself once in a while to listen to yourself. To what you really need. Learn to listen to that inner voice, and to trust it. Because deep inside we know what we really want, really need, and how we really feel. Learning to trust those feelings from the inside are the hardest part.
Recharge your batteries: If being nice is a part of you, you are mostly busy with giving to other people. Logically, you also need time for yourself. This can be easily explained with the analogy with money. You can lend people money, if you don’t have any yourself. The same goes for time and love. You can’t give it to other people, if you don’t have it for yourself. Taking good care for yourself, and doing things that give you energy are a real necessity. Otherwise, you will only get an empty and exhausted feeling. And that is not what we want!
Tell people how you feel: Putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and saying what you feel and think can feel very weird at first. The weird thing is, your surroundings will change for the better. When you make it clear to people what you want, and that you do this with love, and nothing but good intentions, people will be able to understand this better, and it will be easier for them to take your feelings into account.
A no means a yes to you: When you feel like saying no, but say yes anyway, you get stuck in a situation that doesn’t feel well to you. And however much you try, the people around you will notice that. When you say no to something that you really don’t want to, you please yourself, and in a way the people around you. And as a big bonus, it gives you time and énergie to say yes to other situations.
Be nice and guard your borders: If we say “yes” with our mouth, and our brain actually thought “no”… It means we are always drifting further and further away from our true self. The art in this is to see which borders are important to you, and to guard them. Once you get the hang of this, you will notice the energy flowing through your body again. And, that is an exercise that you need to repeat. It’s a matter of finding balance, and every day is a learning opportunity.
Ask others what you always give: When you’re a nice person, everybody wants to drop by. You’re probably always the first one to carry the problems of all people asking for help. But does it work the same way in the other direction? Do you even ask for help when you need it? Everybody needs a hand from time to time. A listening ear, some warm love, and someone who can just be there for you. Asking for help makes you vulnerable, because you don’t always have to take care of everybody. And it will make you notice that other people want to take care of you too. Opening up will make you stronger, and you will see that you don’t need to carry the world on your shoulders. Professionals are also ready to help you with that. And what is keeping you from investing in the most important asset you own? You! So check out these trainings, books and must reads!
Are the people around you nice?: This is an interesting matter. You can check this yourself by looking around in your direct surrounding. The 5 people who are closest to you, do they always treat you nice? Go for people who are like yourself, or people who are the same way you would want to be. People who are prepared to listen, and don’t take advantage of other people, and of you. Your surrounding will change, but you will be able to recharge instead of feeling empty and exhausted when you’ve met your friends.
You are nice! Most probably, you are also honest and righteous and those are characteristics to be proud of. Isn’t that the type of people you want to have around you? Of course it is! So always stay true to yourself, and don’t let anyone belittle or abuse you. The world needs people like you, standing strong!